Erik Moran.

Hey, Morans!

I think if I could sum up every fear I have in this life, it would be that I don't want to be this guy.

But just for shits and giggles, let's see how I stack up. Fun, huh?

Burgeoning beer gut. Check.

Hairy, bear-like legs. Check.

Red, white and blue bandanna. Nope.

St. Louis Cardinals fan. Hells no.

Resplendent, flowing mullet. Working on it.

Three teeth. Check. (x 10)

Moustache. Yup.

Khaki shorts. Not so much.

Jingoism. I write jingles at work. That's kinda the same thing, right?

Posse of fat guys and children. Working on that one too.

False aura of mental superiority. Better believe it.

Spelling inadequacies. Yeah, but I have a Spell Checker.

I think I just scored a 70 or an 80 on this quiz. Maybe I am this guy. Shite.

Please don't tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.